What is all this crap about friendzoning in the Borra tag?
Friendzoning is a misogynistic, sexist term. And guess what? The friendzone doesn’t exist. If someone doesn’t want to date someone, that’s that. The “nice guy - friendzone” stereotype is dangerous and damaging. Have some respect for women, please.
Friendzoning does exist, and happens to males and females, nice guy and bad boy, intentionally and unintentionally. Calm urself.
Here’s a good quote to start it out:
❝But most of all, stop thinking that what people so loathingly refer to as the “friendzone” is some sort of purgatory women put “nice guys” into. My friendship is not a crappy consolation prize that you’re left with if I deny you a sexual relationship– and my body is not your reward for good behavior.❞ -Taylor Callobre
“Friendzoning” is used to shame people, particularly and most often women, about their personal decisions not to start a sexual relationship with the “nice guy” (usually) that has been “so good” to her. It makes light of a woman’s choice to body autonomy and her own sexual decisions. It shames women for making the “wrong” sexual decisions. Men use it as excuses to rape people, and it becomes a general part of a victim blaming culture. Disgusting example of it here.
Here’s something about the problem with your definition of “friendzone.” It’s not applied on an equal-gendered basis. It’s used to say that a guy has a right to a (most often) sexual relationship with a woman because he treated her like a human being, as opposed to all those “other” trashy guys who she decides to giver her romantic attention to instead. He plunges his nose up her sexual business, when she’s said specifically that she wants to remain friends with him.
“Nice guys” act like their being “friendzoned” or “strung along” A.K.A. denied a romantic relationship with someone who is supposedly their “friend” whom they supposedly treat “well” is the worst affront to their hearts, and they use it to shame the woman, as a guilt-trip tool, as a reason to insert themselves into unwelcome territory with her romantic life, etc.
The term shouldn’t even exist because a woman making the decision not to get in a romantic relationship with some dudebro who thinks he’s entitled to her because he’s “treated her so well” and because she seemed to enjoy his company (before he started acting like a misogynistic douche bag) isn’t a big deal. Someone deciding that they do not want a romantic relationship with someone else, is just that and nothing more. The B.S. of the friendzone is used to say that it’s more than that, this friend should’ve/could’ve/would’ve been more if you’d just given him a chance, you cold bitch. This guy is entitled to a chance from you because he treated you like a human being that one time and you treated him well (flirting, oh no; must mean he deserves sex).
In short, the “friendzone” is misogynistic and sexist because it takes female body autonomy and romantic choice, demeaning, degrading, and sometimes completely ignoring it. It buys into a rape culture where a female is expected to do something for a guy, which he’s entitled to, because he treats her a certain way. It’s invasive, gross, and the guy turns himself into a victim using this phrase when he is demonizing some woman who was supposed to be his friend.
And this isn’t just an “opinion” - I’m simply stating how “friendzone” is commonly and disgustingly used. Some people use it without realizing its connotations, but the fact of the matter is whenever you use it, you are perpetuating an abusive victim-blaming culture where a guy can look like a martyr for invading his “friend“‘s romantic and sexual decisions because she denied him.
Here’s an excellent post/discussion. I’ve copied it for you:
If you’re a “nice guy” to a girl up until you realize she doesn’t want to date you, then go on about how she’s a cold shrew that friendzoned you and how no girls date nice guys, like, nah mate, girls do date nice guys. You just aren’t a nice guy. You’re a passive aggressive beta with internalized misogyny and a serious victim complex.
OH REALLY? Well, you’re obviously a girl who was on the receiving end of showers of gifts and kindness. Me? I was the one showering a girl with love and kindness. You didn’t put in the work, and invest your heart and soul into someone only to have it crushed and destroyed. You were the destroyer. You took it all an you took it for granted. Well guess what? The reason guys like me do all we do for you is because we genuinely like heartbreakers like you, so we put all of our time and effort into making you feel the same way. We wake up in the morning wondering what we can do to make you feel the same as we do,and how we can make you just as happy with us as we are with you. And then, you turn around and say “I just want to be friends”. Well here’s the deal: we don’t. If we just wanted a friend, you would have been treated like a friend, and not like a girlfriend. We treat you the way we want to be treated, we want to be your significant other so we treat you as ours. But, how do girls like you return our love and devotion? The heart crushing FRIEND ZONE! Obviously, we did what we did because you are single, and want to fill that gap, well in choosing not to date us, you’re saying that we aren’t good enough, that compared to NO ONE, we are inferior. You’re telling us that with all we do for you, we are less than NOTHING. Does any guy in his right mind really want to be in a friendship with a girl who thinks that he is less than nothing? No, they don’t. And that’s why we go on about how you’re a heartless demon who sucks the joy out of our lives with the terrible friend zone, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE. And we go on to say that girls don’t like nice guys BECAUSE THEY DON’T. All you want is a hot guy. If you really dated nice guys, you wouldn’t go after and like the fucking douchebags that you do. If anyone is misogynist, it’s those assholes that you chase after because they’re hot. So don’t you dare say that we are in the wrong, we are not the bad guys, we are the good guys who provide all the gifts, who try to be the knight in shining armor. You know who you are? The cold, miserable bitch who turns him away and says, “no thanks, but i’m waiting for a better knight to rescue me from my tower. Until then you can ride around the base and give me stuff! Yay for friendship”. NO. You’re wrong. You are at fault for whatever response it is that you don’t like, because you created it. I hope you stay single forever becuse you probably have no idea what you have till it’s long gone and pissed off.
Well, you’re obviously a girl who was on the receiving end of showers of gifts and kindness.
Well there’s your first mistake.
Me? I was the one showering a girl with love and kindness.
And there’s your second.
You didn’t put in the work, and invest your heart and soul into someone only to have it crushed and destroyed.
Well you’re 100% right about that, I’ve never felt the need to shower girls that had no romantic interest in me with romantic favours. How is that a good idea?
You were the destroyer. You took it all an you took it for granted.
Once again, quite wrong. But this brings up an interesting little personality trait you have: without knowing anything about me, not even my sex or gender identity, you already started attacking my perceived identity as a woman and began applying your own remarkably incorrect judgements. If you fly off the handle with misogynistic accusations and personal attacks at someone that you don’t even have the slightest bit of information about I feel somewhat afraid for every woman you pass on the street and the assumptions you cast on them that have spawned undoubtedly from your psychosis.
Well guess what? The reason guys like me do all we do for you is because we genuinely like heartbreakers like you, so we put all of our time and effort into making you feel the same way.
This is so fucking creepy. Who “made” you like the girls you obsess over? Where you somehow coerced into “loving” them or did it just happen naturally? Do you really think you can “make” someone romantically interested in you if they aren’t? There’s a little thing called consent, and it doesn’t just apply to sex. If a girl isn’t consenting to your advances you back the fuck off. She isn’t interested. Not because you’re “too nice” (but maybe because you’re a fucking creep) but because she doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do about her and guess what that’s just how life is sometimes.
We wake up in the morning wondering what we can do to make you feel the same as we do,and how we can make you just as happy with us as we are with you.
See above. If a girl you were really uninterested in (unlikely considering your level of desperation) but I mean you REALLY didn’t like her just showered you with attention would that actually make you fall madly in love with her?
And then, you turn around and say “I just want to be friends”. Well here’s the deal: we don’t.
Woah there. You want to date someone but you don’t want to be friends with them? That’s fucked up. I mean, they can be your fuckbuddy (once again unlikely as they clearly hate you) but you can’t have that healthy of a relationship with someone you don’t want as a friend. My partner is my best friend. Every day I talk to her and she lights up my motherfucking world. You don’t want a girlfriend. You hate women. You hate women and they scare you and you want to fuck them and own them so they can’t hurt your wittle feelings anymore. Grow the fuck up. Fuck you and everyone like you you misogynistic scum.
If we just wanted a friend, you would have been treated like a friend, and not like a girlfriend.
See above. Also, fuck you.
We treat you the way we want to be treated, we want to be your significant other so we treat you as ours.
Now this is extremely creepy. Notice the very rapist-like train of thought. You cannot force yourself onto others. If they do not want you they do not want you.
But, how do girls like you return our love and devotion? The heart crushing FRIEND ZONE!
So what you’re saying is, basically, you think because you’re some super obsessive really creepy really misogynistic guy that throws candy and flowers at them that they owe you something in return? They aren’t asking you for this*. This is your choice. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
*Even if they did ask you to throw candy and flowers at them they still don’t own you anything. Accept maybe money back for the flowers. Absolutely nothing fucking else.
Obviously, we did what we did because you are single, and want to fill that gap, well in choosing not to date us, you’re saying that we aren’t good enough, that compared to NO ONE, we are inferior.
Nope, nope, nopity-nope. Women are -check this- human beings. They like to have friends in their lives and they simply made the unfortunate mistake of thinking you were one. You are not their friend. She does not have to date you just because you watch movies together. She just thought you were cool and could hang out. By the way, compared to a decent human being you are inferior and if you haven’t figured out why yet I strongly advise you start reading this again.
You’re telling us that with all we do for you, we are less than NOTHING.
You’re the one that only does “nice” things because he wants a reward. From what I’ve read the nicest thing you’ve done is not raped anyone. It’s like you’re asking for a fucking award for not raping them.
Does any guy in his right mind really want to be in a friendship with a girl who thinks that he is less than nothing? No, they don’t. And that’s why we go on about how you’re a heartless demon who sucks the joy out of our lives with the terrible friend zone, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE.
Protip: people generally don’t date people that refer to them as “The heartless demon who will suck the joy out of their life with the terrible friend zone” it really isn’t seen as great behavioural subtext in a possible partner.
And we go on to say that girls don’t like nice guys BECAUSE THEY DON’T.
Funny, I’ve never had any problems finding a partner. And a lot of my friends are dating the absolute best dudes. I’ve become friends with really great guys through them. So, no. You’re dead wrong. Also, you aren’t a nice guy at all. You’re a “nice guy.” Oh yeah also I have a lot of friends that are women but guess what I am actually their friend.
All you want is a hot guy. If you really dated nice guys, you wouldn’t go after and like the fucking douchebags that you do.
It’s funny because you keep saying “you” which means that these are all directed at me. It makes reading things like this really funny.
If anyone is misogynist, it’s those assholes that you chase after because they’re hot.
Hmm, nope. Still you. Trust me.
So don’t you dare say that we are in the wrong, we are not the bad guys, we are the good guys who provide all the gifts, who try to be the knight in shining armor.
You think really highly of yourself. Every single thing you’ve ever done for a woman was motivated by your desire to fuck her. Not because she was nice. Not because you like her as a human being. Not because you wanted to make her happy. Not even because she was pretty. But because you think of women as objects and because you think you can buy them. No. Fuck no. Getting a woman a gift does not mean she should have sex with you. You are incredibly delusional if you think your creepy advances make you a knight of any order.
You know who you are? The cold, miserable bitch who turns him away and says, “no thanks, but i’m waiting for a better knight to rescue me from my tower. Until then you can ride around the base and give me stuff! Yay for friendship”.
I was waiting for you to pull the bitch card. That’s at the top of the “nice guy” deck. Now let me translate your idiocy into something a bit closer to what’s actually happening: “No thanks, I’m not interested in you like that. I would rather have you as a friend. I’m not desperate for romance and I’ll wait until someone I’m attracted to comes along for me to date them. Oh, you bought me Supernatural on blu-ray? Thank you that’s so sweet! You’re such a thoughtful friendI never ask you for anything but you’re always getting me things!”
NO. You’re wrong. You are at fault for whatever response it is that you don’t like, because you created it.
I’m sorry but I couldn’t even make heads or tails of this. What are you talking about?
I hope you stay single forever becuse you probably have no idea what you have till it’s long gone and pissed off.
OH NO WHATEVER SHALL ONE DO WITHOUT A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ASSHOLE THAT HARBOURS PROFOUND RESENTMENT FOR US IN OUR LIVES? Hahaha. NO. Cry more.
THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL yesyesyesyessssss allll of thiiiisssss
thanks to this xvxavier for that awesome commentary. keep preachin!
Speechless at xvxavier’s awesomeness and Epic Getting It.
I’m going to point this out:
“If we just wanted a friend, you would have been treated like a friend, and not like a girlfriend. We treat you the way we want to be treated, we want to be your significant other so we treat you as ours.”
That is so terrible, awful and so creepy and the very basic idea that I suspect goes into every Nice Guy but I haven’t actually seen one admit to it like this. How can you say this allowed or write it down and not see what a problem it is. How terrible it is to basically impose a role onto someone else without getting their permission or consent? They did not ask, they did not agree, but you’re going to treat them as if they have no agency to decide? That is terrible. That is terrible, terrible, terrible.
There are no words for how creepy that person is.
Guess what? Just because you treat a woman nicely does not mean she owes you anything. Women are not property. Women do not owe you sex or a relationship just because you decided to shower them with gifts. Also, what the fuck? Gifts? As if those are fucking tokens and a woman is some kind of dispenser that hands out sex as a reward? Go fuck yourself. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being.
The assumption that anyone who opposes Nice Guys is somehow a woman is also pretty fucking ridiculous.
Sorry to disappoint, but many of us dudes dislike Nice Guys, too.
We respect the women we’ve befriended. We believe that they should be entitled to make their own choices in regards to who they date. We don’t expect sex or romance in exchange for being kind to them. We are their friends, which means we treat them like people. Not slot machines.
If you really cared about the women in your life, you wouldn’t treat them like property. You would be treat them as any good friend should: with dignity and some fucking respect.
Just throwing this part out there.
I love how he refers to women as captured princesses in a tower waiting for a knight in shining armor to come save them.
Are you fucking kidding me? What are you, seven?
Women are not helpless story book characters who need rescuing and fall in love with the first guy who comes by willing to ”Save her”. Nuh-uh, that’s not how it works, I’m not sure who told you that’s how romance goes down. Women are human beings capable of making their own choices. If a girl wants to chase after a “douchebag” instead of your fine and outsanding show of character then that’s her decision.
Pretty much every guy friend I’ve had that I’d developed a crush on has told me that they would rather be friends, and you know what? WE’RE STILL FRIENDS. I didn’t go onto my facebook/tumblr and rant about how they smashed my heart into a million little pieces, you know why? Because I enjoy their company and would rather not risk that friendship that I worked hard to establish with them because I got butthurt over them not wanting to date me.
Guess what? This is gonna happen a lot (More for you I’m assuming since you’re not actually a very nice guy for women to be friends with in the first place) You’ll experience a lot of rejection as you go through life. The mature thing to do is MOVE ON AND GET THE FUCK OVER IT.
Dude needs to get over his sense of entitlement. “But wahhh I was nice to her and she rejected me waahhhhh”. Hang on while I call the waaaahhhhmbulance for you.
Just because you liked her, doesn’t mean she’s obligated to like you in return.
Reblogging for ALL the commentary!
Flawless fucking commentary. You, sir, are creepy as fuck and don’t need to be anywhere near a relationship with that attitude, ever.
For the rest of you wonderful people:
Word to the wise, women do not need you to “save” them, or fill some “gap” in their lives that they simply MUST have because they are women and the only way their lives can hold meaning is for a big strong man to be with them.
Get over yourself.
You are not a gift from the heavens, you are a legitimate gross ‘nice guy’ douchebag and so is every other guy who thinks like you do.
That women somehow ‘owe’ you something because YOU decided to force your feelings on them, shower them with gifts and attention passed off like friendship, expected something in return, and then flipped out when they didn’t give you want you wanted.
That’s the fucking issue, you expect women to fall into your arms because you were “nice”. You believe you deserve a reward because you treated a woman decently, therefore because YOU want a romantic relationship she must abide by YOUR wishes.
YOU DO NOT OWN A WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU TREAT HER LIKE A HUMAN BEING.
Get. The fuck. Over yourself.